Welcome to Soho Housing Association

Sociable Behaviour

It doesn't seem so long since I was reading the previous article on anti-social behaviour (ASB) in this newsletter and wondered what on earth I could usefully add to the topic. Just coming up with a useful definition of ASB is a challenge! A major part of the problem is that there is no universal definition; no prescribed set of rules to help the victim or, indeed the potential perpetrator.

The terms ASB and ASBO have become so hyped and overused these days as to have become almost meaningless. A Google search for pics on ASB, produces surprisingly ordinary images of everyday behaviour; a couple of kids playing football, for teenagers chatting at a bus stop. It’s little wonder that many deny committing ASB when accused of it. So perhaps it’s not the actual behaviour that defines itself as anti-social, but the effect it can have on others, or their "perception" of it.

It could be argued that many forms of ASB only become anti-social when there is someone around to be offended by witnessing it. The parties engaging in the behaviour may experience it as very sociable behaviour (especially within their own peer group).

If someone has grown up on a deprived estate, for instance, where vandalism, violence and crime is abundant, having a "colourful" vocabulary and a bit of an attitude might have actually ensured their survival. If their circumstances were to change and they then found themselves living in a more "cultured" middle-class community with different norms of behaviour, those previously learned "survival skills" could become a real disadvantage.

When one's behaviour has been highlighted, criticised or complained about, there is a natural urge to defend oneself. How we actually do this can have a huge bearing on the final outcome;

In the scenario previously mentioned, the person accused may feel attacked (especially if there is interest from a body in authority, such as their Landlord, local Council or Police) and may react badly to being accused.

Should this happen to you, rather than deny everything indignantly, try to remain calm and identify and own the behaviour that you are responsible for. Acknowledging what is true about the alleged behaviour may help you to understand why it could have offended someone else. Part of your truth may be that you had not considered the potential effects on others before. It could be that you had no conscious intention to upset anyone with your behaviour; but once you are aware that it has caused offence, there will be no defence if you continue with more of the same. This part is very important; once you have been made aware that specific actions or words are causing distress to another, you must curtail that behaviour.

A landlord may tell you to stop a specific kind of behaviour and avoid contact with a complainant thereafter. This may result in the complaint being closed, but does nothing to repair the relationship with your neighbours.

You may feel that you have been misunderstood by others if you have been accused of anti-social behaviour and this can feel very unfair.

Showing defiance or indifference following an ASB complaint wont win you any friends and it may reduce the quality of your home life if you continue to harbour resentments or sense this from others because you haven't made enough effort to repair relations.

Let the dust settle a bit.

Notice how others around you conduct themselves; if someone seems to be behaving inconsiderately, make sure that you are not doing the same or similar just because they are.

If you really like your home and the neighbourhood, but feel you have not been accepted by others, why not try to turn that around? If you don't think your neighbours have seen the best of you, then show them how friendly, kind and considerate you can be. Prove to your neighbours that they have not seen the real you; take time to show them your other sides and they will realise that you have moved on. (This can help them to move forward also)

As humans, we are all desperately wanting others to understand us (d'ya get me?) when really we would get an awful lot further if we focussed a bit more on actually trying to understand others.

TOP TIPS FOR AVOIDING COMPLAINTS OF NOISE & ASB FROM NEIGHBOURS

1. Take time to get to know your neighbours and always be polite and civil with them. Dont ever swear at them!
2. Check with each adjoining neighbour (esp above and below) that your Hifi and TV play at an acceptable level.
3. Use their feedback and place a sticker on your Hifi to mark the "safe' volume level.
4. Turn the volume down significantly after 10 pm. Use headphones after midnight.
5. Switch to slippers when you get home if you have hard floors and neighbours beneath.
6. Notify your neighbours before you have a party and agree a reasonable cut off time.
7. Dont have parties too often! Again, negotiate this with your neighbours.
8. Notify your neighbours if there is likely to be any extra noise from your flat (eg. DIY etc)
9. Close your windows if a row is unavoidable in your flat (but only as long as it is safe to do so)
10. Apologise to your neighbours immediately if you think it is likely that you could have disturbed them; don't wait until someone complains. This single gesture alone will prevent a formal complaint in almost every instance, especially "one off" disturbances.

Note for victims and witnesses of ASB: Persistent noise nuisance and "intentional" anti-social behaviour should always be recorded; even if you do not seek immediate or formal action against the perpetrators, matters may worsen and you may be required to produce a log of incidents. Completing the log can also help to channel feelings of anger or despair with the situation. Forms for this purpose are available from your Housing Officer on request.

Chris Eastland Powder Mill House